When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
