One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
