Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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