i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
