True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
