Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
