I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have tasted many bathrooms
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
