If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
