you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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