Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
