i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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