I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
