Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
