He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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