It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
