Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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