If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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