70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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