I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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