So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
