My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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