Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
