some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
