im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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