Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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