I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
