remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
