So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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