he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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