I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.