I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bring money and cleavage
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...