happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.