Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.