Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
