i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
