Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
