In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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