i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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