Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
