He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
