I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't put those talents on a resume
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
