FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
