I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
