i don't like sucking hair
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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