sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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