Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
