We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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