he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
