Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
