margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
