i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
