Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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