apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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