I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
