You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
