this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
