His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was confusing and full of hummus
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
