the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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