Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize