Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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