there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
