if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
