the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
