I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i came on her dog
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
