I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have aggressive nipples.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
