Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize