She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
