so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
